Why Travel Was The Best Medicine For My Perfectionism

2018, Oct 10    

Formally describing myself as a perfectionist seems comical now. There is simply no such thing as being perfect. The part that makes me laugh is that I really thought I was somehow getting closer to being perfect when it came to my work — the thing that I could control.

When I began traveling the world this was yet another benefit I didn’t see coming. It’s not as though I was actively looking for a cure or remedy. If anything I was looking and seeking out perfection so my work could be better. The thought of my imperfections benefitting me, or anyone else for that matter, didn’t ever enter my mind. Yet before I knew it I had been taking perfectionism medicine which has helped me beyond work and in my personal life as well.

I began taking the medicine in an unlikely way. While packing up everything I owned, which amounted to one large suitcase, one carry-on suitcase, and a backpack, every four weeks I was forced to constantly take stock of my life. What have I done? What didn’t I do? Who did I love? Who loved me? What difference am I making in the world? How well did I integrate my work with my life? A life that I so neatly packed and hopefully kept under the weight limit allowed.

The last day in each country was rarely spent working. It was usually me running around one last time to visit some place that for whatever reason I had not managed to visit in an entire month. Or to visit my favorite place one last time. Of course, the cleaning, washing of clothes, and the dreaded packing took up time as well.

With so few items to pack and me sending packages home every single month you would think it would get easier. It never did. Looking back it really wasn’t about the packing, although it seemed super awful. It was the emptying of my life and the constant starting over that made it difficult. Having to answer my own questions.

Travel day always came right when you had just gotten used to things. When you began feeling really comfortable getting around, hanging out with the locals, finding your favorite places to visit and eat it was time to go. Off to another country to start all over again. All the time spent the night before and the morning of was soon flipped to unpacking.

It’s hard to feel like you’re really good at something when you are constantly having to go back to the beginning and start again. So instead of trying to get really good at it, you accept that it’s not going to be easy. Yes, you’ll probably walk miles to get a cup of coffee when you could have had a better cup only a few feet away if you had simply turned left instead of right. (And when I say “you” I mean me.)

Of all the things I struggled with in a new country my awful sense of direction was the worst. And, yes, I’ve heard of Google Maps. Sometimes I was able to laugh it off. Like the time I was in Barcelona and went miles and miles on foot in the wrong direction and didn’t realize I should have been home a long time ago because I was in awe of everything I was seeing. When one of the signs pointed towards the airport I knew I was way off course. Oh, and I did I mention it was 11 o’clock at night and I had a business call in an hour?

It all came in handy later when I was out exploring and recognized I had been in the area before. This time I wasn’t lost. I didn’t know exactly where I was but since I had been there before I definitely knew how to get back home.

One of the reasons I was able to laugh it off and accept that I had just “wasted” time was because I wasn’t at home agonizing over my work. If I was going to get out and see the city, done had to be better than perfect.

When I got to Barcelona my virtual summit had already gone live and finished. Now I was beginning to teach my first online class. Both of those projects I was doing for the very first time. Some days it was challenging and I wondered what in the world I was doing. Of course, since I was the only one listening I had to answer myself. It wasn’t really about what in the world I was doing. Instead, I had to remind myself where in the world I was doing it from!

If between January and May 2017 I had been to Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Morocco, and Spain could I really be doing things so poorly? I couldn’t lie to myself and think everything up until this point was perfection in a bottle and that is what propelled me there. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I had gotten to that point in my life and career in spite of all my imperfections and probably as a direct result of some.

When I first began my travels I had everything planned out perfectly. At least that is what I told myself. I was going to make sure that there were no hiccups or bumps along the way. I thought somehow I could predict or at the very least have a glimpse into the future. When I ran into any obstacles I would unveil plan b, plan c, and possibly even plan d.

However, at every turn, I was met with my overwhelming imperfections and for some reason, it seemed to be okay. It wasn’t the end of the world. Often my imperfections were even welcomed. Slowly but surely, and mostly without me realizing it, my fears of getting things wrong started to fade. Somehow I got really comfortable knowing I probably wasn’t going to get it right but in getting it wrong I would have a great story to tell.

There are numerous quotes, cliches, and sayings regarding perfectionism. None of them ever truly helped me. Not one them seemed to be impactful after I had just failed and made a huge mistake. A mistake that could have been avoided. No quote ever popped into my mind when I received a “no” or when I didn’t hit my numbers and it was painfully obvious what I was putting out into the world wasn’t perfect.

On the other hand, what did pop into my mind was the last time on my travels I was completely imperfect and everything still worked out for the best. Or the time it actually didn’t work out and I was still alive to write a funny story so others could laugh at my expense. Or the times when I was able to help someone else because I had already gotten it wrong and now knew of a better way.

Trying to get your product or service just right, “perfect”, is a waste of time. It’s also a huge waste of your energy. The agony of staring at your laptop, your finger over the return key as you decide whether or not you are going to make your next move. Knowing that once you hit send you have begun putting things in motion and now you can’t stop because if you did the world would see your imperfections and possibly you quitting if things got too rough. You are in your head and the what-ifs are spinning around like a tornado, trying to pick where the damage is going to hit although you could never predict such things.

Travel was also the answer the mind games. Your brain can only concentrate on one thing at a time. It can move very quickly in between thoughts but it’s still only one concentrated thought at a time. Meeting deadlines at the end of each month was something I strategically did. I purposely set deadlines for the end of the month because I knew I would be distracted by so many other things. End of the month parties, visiting new and old places around the city, and, of course, packing up my life. The fear of sending out something that wasn’t perfect was overshadowed by my fear of missing out on the last days and hours in the country.

Now the medicine of travel for my perfectionism has become my vitamin. Travel was and still is my best prevention to perfectionism and so I will continue to travel as often as possible. In fact, I’m traveling now as I write this.